[ Slamz Jail ]

At aQ, we used an app called Slack to facilitate staff communication. Of course that meant a lot of chat about music and other interesting things besides more mundane store-related subjects, like scheduling.

One of the channels we set up was called Slamz, for discussion (mostly between Andee and Kirk, at first) of the very much non-PC, NSFW death metal subgenre known as "Slam Metal". But, surprisingly, other aQ staffers soon joined in, including several who had never before heard or cared about Slam Metal, and it rather disturbingly became one of the busiest (and most ridiculous) of the various aQ Slack channels.

Back last year when we did our zine for our 45th Anniversary, we came up with the idea of turning a transcript of the Slamz channel into a print zine too, thinking that it was (to us at least) somewhat amusing. Sadly, we never got around to it, but figured we might as well share it here now, better really since we can include all the YouTube clips of brootal slams that were posted...

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Channel purpose: brutal, slamming, ignorant, knuckle dragging death metal.

Andee:



Kirk: Oh god yes. Already seen that video, natch.



Andee: That PP video is so amazing and dumb. Why does he play live??? But gotta love the dancers...

Snare sound!!!

Favorite slam band. Best snare sound in the biz:



Kirk: Oh yeah, heard that album.

Andee: I ordered literally EVERYTHING on that label.

Kirk: Is that a drum machine? Or just drum triggers with an even crazier snare sound?

Andee: Yup. which is even funnier, dude PICKED that snare sound.

Kirk: That's dope.

Andee: I always assumed that snare sound was cuz some drummer had a shitty snare and/or didn't know how to tune it... but I now know it's a THING.

Kirk: Sounds like a snow shovel hitting asphalt.

Andee: YES!

Allan: Unsubscribe.

Kirk: Hah!! Allan you must at least like Suffocation or something!

Harry: Lol.

Allan: I like these guys:



Harry: I was always partial to this!



Andee: This slam channel is already off track. But since we are, not sure if Kirk ever saw this:



Listened to it like 10 times today.

NOW BACK TO SLAMZ.

This video is SIX HOURS long!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:

SkullSlammingVideos - Brutal Slamming Death Metal (Everything you should know about slam)

[The YouTube account associated with this video has been terminated due to multiple third-party notifications of copyright infringement.]

NO GLAM JUST FUCKING SLAM.

Kirk: I love it.

Aeternus Tenebries sucks.

That 6 hour slam comp was probably made by a 13 year old Russian kid, I'm gonna play it at my wedding.

Allan: You guys, Pt. 2.

Kirk:



Great music video. Upstate NY is the Mecca for the wettest vox and tinniest snares.

Andee: Guys I love this record so much. But it's NS Techno!!! Whut? Too sketchy to sell/carry?



Harry: I really think Winter Solace is at least partially a joke label.

Andee: And your point is? ;)

Nick: I listened to this today. Prolly my favorite BM record:



Harry: I listened to that recently for the first time in years, Nick! Gotta love those King Diamond falsettos. I think Anthems has gotta be my fave Emperor record though.

Nick: Oooh gotta give that one a spin. I have the box with the crappy sounding picture discs.

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Kirk: Morning everyone, here's a wonderful ESL slamz title:



Andee: YUS!

Allan: Oh jeez, it wasn't all just a dream...

Nick:



Haha.

Andee: Time to put Nick in SLAMZ jail...

Allan: Thought this WAS slamz jail.

Harry: Lol!

Andee: Guess me and Kirk are gonna have to get a PRIVATE channel to enjoy our SLAMZ in peace...

Kirk: Lol!!!

Allan: Oh no, don't leave me out!

Kirk: Andee, you heard BIOLICH?



Couple dudes from Artificial Brain doing Demilich worship (obviously) but with more slamz.

Andee: That's GREAT!

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Kirk: A little Friday Night Snare Ping for everyone.



Nick: New Deafheaven is pretty rad. You guys prolly are gonna stick me in slamz jail again, but I'm digging it.

Andee: I like it too. I think it's their best one yet. But then I always liked Deafheaven. And I love the concept of slamz jail!!!

Nick: The guitar licks are pretty popperific on top of the growled vocals.

Andee: As is always the case with those guys, i like the pretty stuff the most...

Harry: Psshhhh album of the year as far as I’m concerned, Nick - don't trip!!!

Andee: I like it, but not as much as the new Ghost! Or the new Putridity.

Kirk: You're all in slamz jail unless you listen to Cock and Ball Torture right now!

Andee: Back on track:



Kirk: Gorevent are so sick. Wettest vox.

Allan: You guys all realize that a transcript of this Slamz channel is going to find its way onto the Internet one of these days...

Andee: Counting on it! It's the metal nerd version of a sex tape.

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Andee: More:



Been pretty into this one:



and this one:



but this is THEE ONE.



I can't stop listening. It's like Voivod slam. Maybe my favorite DM/SM record right now.

Kirk: Mmmmm Voivod slam. Disappointed in the s/t album title tho. Andee, you listen to Wormed right? My fave sci-fi tech slam.

Andee: Oh yeah, love Wormed.

Check this out, best description of a slam record EVER:

“New wave Slamming Brutal Death of Siberia! Music, like Bacillus anthracis, amaze you after listening to the first track. Leechers Guitar riffs will fill your body with the energy that you can not cope. Accompanied with a powerful vocals pigs, your body and mind will rot from the inside. Your imagination will appreciate text album. The lyrics is built on the hidden desires of man, which is in every ... But not everyone is ready to recognize them in yourself. One more surprise awaits you inside the box with the disc. For fans of ‘new’ with a ‘taste’ of the old :wink: From Russia with Love.”

It's for this record:



”Accompanied with a powerful vocals pigs”!

Plenty of PING for Kirk.

Allan: Wormed are cool.

Kirk: I LOVE ESL SLAMS!!!

Harry: Lol at vocals pigs!!

Kirk: “Your imagination will appreciate text album.”



Some quality trash can lid slams from India.

Wow their demo is even filthier:



Andee: I think I might email the guy at Amputated Vein, and see if he'll cut me a deal if I order EVERYthing they got haha!!!!

Kirk: Hahaha!! Does he speak English?

My band Cloak played with the dudes from Parasitic Ejaculations other band. That's the entirety of my slamz fame.

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Kirk: Any of you posers attending California Death Fest? Gossard just hot boxed the Metro and played some riffs.

My arm just brushed up against Chris Reifert’s shirt.

Harry: 1st degree brushing is gonna buy you a one way ticket to #slamzjail if you're not careful!

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Kirk: Wow Bolzer last night was otherworldly. That full length might need to be ROTW when it comes out. Clean singing!!!

Andee: Shit, bummed I missed it. But so psyched for the new record.

Holy shit this is awesome:



Allan: Bolzer, damn. And Andee you’re right about that Drohtnung.

Andee: HOLY SHIT. WTF? Allan, I’m looking at you... mostly cuz of the bass...



Kinda loving this too:



Kirk: Damn the vox are kinda annoying.

Andee: And by annoying, you mean amazing.

(still more to come, soon!)